Touchdown
In “Barbecue Five,” an eighth-season “Dallas” episode, J.R. and Mandy (Larry Hagman, Deborah Shelton) are seated in a private box at Texas Stadium, where a waiter fills their champagne glasses.
MANDY: Oh, J.R., it’s beautiful.
J.R.: Better than some little old park, isn’t it?
WAITER: There you are, sir. Will there be anything else, Mr. Ewing?
J.R.: No, no. We’ll serve ourselves.
WAITER: Yes, sir. [Walks away]
J.R.: [Raises his glass] Here’s to picnics, Ewing style.
MANDY: I’ll say.
J.R.: Tell me, where are you from? You weren’t born in Dallas, were you?
MANDY: Ohio. A little town not too far from Akron. When the wind was wrong, you could smell the tires being made.
J.R.: [Laughs] Well, what’d your father do?
MANDY: He ran a pretty good-sized machine shop. He was a wonderful man. My mom was pretty terrific too. I think they’re the ones that gave me the good feeling I have about myself.
J.R.: How do they feel about your … well, your modeling?
MANDY: Well, my daddy died a few years ago. But I guess Mom always expected I’d become a model. [Sighs] Just out of high school, though, they sent me to secretarial school for protection. They always said, “If you can type, you can always work.”
J.R.: [Chuckles] That’d be a shame to hide that beauty of yours in an office.
MANDY: That’s the way I felt. [Notices J.R.’s surprised expression] Oh, I’ve always known I was beautiful. That’s the reason men come on to me. I do have a brain, but they usually don’t stick around long enough to find that out.
J.R.: Oh, he admires your brain, does he?
MANDY: He does. But that’s not the whole story. Remember when you first saw me in the restaurant, and right away you made a little pass at me? Guys have been doing that since junior high. But this man, when I first met him, I liked him a lot. We spent a whole evening together and a few days later, he didn’t remember who I was.
J.R.: Really? Well, if you ask me, doesn’t sound like he’s playing with a full deck.
MANDY: Hardly. He’s very successful.
J.R.: Does he treat you well? Nice little gifts and creative lunches like this?
MANDY: I’ve never had a lunch like this with anyone before. No, my boyfriend’s big on takeout. We eat out of paper cartons a lot. [Laughs]
J.R.: You enjoy that?
MANDY: Well, frankly, I’d prefer a little more luxury. [Sips champagne]
J.R.: Well, that’s the meaning of the Ewing name — luxury. Can I take it you wouldn’t refuse another invitation to have lunch with me?
MANDY: Where are we going to eat next time, your jet?
J.R.: [Chuckles] Well, we could. I got one.
MANDY: I love this private box. Is it yours?
J.R.: Well, I’ve been thinking about buying it for tax purposes. I just closed a very lucrative deal with a friend of mine, Jeremy Wendell. He’s the president of Westar. Have you heard of it?
MANDY: Who hasn’t in Texas? Do you do a lot of business with him?
J.R.: I haven’t in a long time. But recently, we’ve done some very interesting things together. How about a little more champagne? [Refills her glass]
MANDY: Yes. Then I want to hear all about how J.R. Ewing operates.
J.R.: You will. You surely will.
Watch this scene in “Barbecue Five,” available on DVD and at Amazon and iTunes, and share your comments below.
